Abide. This word keeps coming to me over and over while on the Africa Mercy. Jesus says He is the vine, and I am a branch, and I need to abide in Him.
a-bide: (verb) To rest, remain, continue, stay.
It has much more to do with being than doing. Ahhh, now that strikes a deep chord in me, the do-er. Always gotta be productive. Strive, perform, do things for Jesus. It's much harder for me to just...be.
This morning I sat on a wooden adirondack chair, gazing out over the ocean, gentle warm wind ruffling my hair as a daddy would ruffle his beloved child's hair. I smiled. Papa God...is that You, ruffling my hair, letting me know You love it when I abide in You? When I stop, and rest, and just talk with You?
I resist being a branch. I don't want to just sit and wait for the Vine to push nutrients into me, to make me grow in His time, to be dormant when He wants, to bear much fruit in His season. I want to be an independent branch, doing what I want when I want. But every time I pull away from the Vine, I notice a depletion of energy.
I get thirsty. I get hungry. I need nourishment, and I go looking for it in all the wrong places. Then I crawl (do branches crawl?) back to the Vine, leaves curled and browning, begging to be grafted back in and given another chance. He never refuses me.
That's what I love about the Vine. He is always waiting to give, never cuts me off, knows what I need and when. I think I'll stay. Remain. Abide.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
one millimeter of me
Look up close at a large tapestry. It's made of millions of tiny threads woven together. The piece of each thread that you see on the front is--maybe--1mm wide. The part of that thread on the back is just long enough to tie a knot and hang loosely. I am a thread. You are a thread. The tapestry is life on earth from beginning to end. God is the weaver. He is making the tapestry right now, and it's not yet complete.
I was pondering my part in the tapestry. I don't want to be a brown thread which makes up the ugly dirt along the bottom. I don't want to be a white thread that makes up a bunch of unimportant clouds in the sky. I want to be a silver thread in that bolt of lightning. I want to be a red thread in that drop of blood. I want to be a gold thread in that crown. I want to be a flesh-colored thread on Jesus' body. I want to be a violet thread in that rainbow. I want to be noticed. I want to be an important part of the tapestry...the meat of it. Don't we all?
Am I alone in wanting to have purpose, wanting to be valued, wanting to be colorful? But I don't get to choose what color thread I will be. God chooses. I used to be in that pile of thread on the floor, not yet used in the tapestry. But I gave God permission to pick me up and use me, to thread me through His needle and weave me into His story. Perhaps He wants me to be the dirt or the cloud. I pray I can be that drab color joyfully and without complaining, just happy to be IN the tapestry.
I hope I don't focus on the chaotic back of the tapestry, where my knot and loose ends are not what He is creating. He leaves that messy part on the back, and wants the 1mm of me to shine forth in the beauty that only His hand can create.
It hurts as the needle pokes through the fabric of life and pulls me through. Rough edges, straining and struggling. He stops at just the right spot, right where He wants me. He ties my knot, and my part is done. I'm there forever, the work of His hands. Still, quiet, completed.
I've met and heard about some people who I think will be the threads of the most important part of the story---Jesus' body and blood. No, not famous people. The janitor who hums hymns all day while he works, and gives hugs and a listening ear to the schoolchildren and is so loved by them...he'll be there. The autistic or Downs syndrome child, so unvalued in today's society, but a blessing indeed to those who know them...they'll be there. The homeless person whose life story is so tragic, she struggles to stay sane, but thanks God for daily life and food. The single mom, abandoned by her unfaithful husband, who works 3 jobs to raise her kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord...she'll be there. The prisoner who once killed for drugs, who has turned his life around and now mentors young men to follow Christ...he'll be there. It'll be the lonely, the rejected, the suffering, the poor, and the forgotten who will be given these threads of honor.
It'll be some of these precious Togolese, who sing praises to Him and clap for joy while living a life of severe poverty, broken limbs and disfigured faces. The Creator looks on them and smiles, for they have found life's true riches, and look forward to their forever home with Him.
I am a thread. I'm being pulled through. He hasn't tied my knot yet. God, help me to be pulled along willingly, without whining, thanking You for the color You chose for me. Thank You for picking me up off the floor and making me important simply because I'm part of Your great tapestry. Thank You for loving all 1mm of me. That's all I've ever wanted anyway, to have a place in Your story.
I was pondering my part in the tapestry. I don't want to be a brown thread which makes up the ugly dirt along the bottom. I don't want to be a white thread that makes up a bunch of unimportant clouds in the sky. I want to be a silver thread in that bolt of lightning. I want to be a red thread in that drop of blood. I want to be a gold thread in that crown. I want to be a flesh-colored thread on Jesus' body. I want to be a violet thread in that rainbow. I want to be noticed. I want to be an important part of the tapestry...the meat of it. Don't we all?
Am I alone in wanting to have purpose, wanting to be valued, wanting to be colorful? But I don't get to choose what color thread I will be. God chooses. I used to be in that pile of thread on the floor, not yet used in the tapestry. But I gave God permission to pick me up and use me, to thread me through His needle and weave me into His story. Perhaps He wants me to be the dirt or the cloud. I pray I can be that drab color joyfully and without complaining, just happy to be IN the tapestry.
I hope I don't focus on the chaotic back of the tapestry, where my knot and loose ends are not what He is creating. He leaves that messy part on the back, and wants the 1mm of me to shine forth in the beauty that only His hand can create.
It hurts as the needle pokes through the fabric of life and pulls me through. Rough edges, straining and struggling. He stops at just the right spot, right where He wants me. He ties my knot, and my part is done. I'm there forever, the work of His hands. Still, quiet, completed.
I've met and heard about some people who I think will be the threads of the most important part of the story---Jesus' body and blood. No, not famous people. The janitor who hums hymns all day while he works, and gives hugs and a listening ear to the schoolchildren and is so loved by them...he'll be there. The autistic or Downs syndrome child, so unvalued in today's society, but a blessing indeed to those who know them...they'll be there. The homeless person whose life story is so tragic, she struggles to stay sane, but thanks God for daily life and food. The single mom, abandoned by her unfaithful husband, who works 3 jobs to raise her kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord...she'll be there. The prisoner who once killed for drugs, who has turned his life around and now mentors young men to follow Christ...he'll be there. It'll be the lonely, the rejected, the suffering, the poor, and the forgotten who will be given these threads of honor.
It'll be some of these precious Togolese, who sing praises to Him and clap for joy while living a life of severe poverty, broken limbs and disfigured faces. The Creator looks on them and smiles, for they have found life's true riches, and look forward to their forever home with Him.
I am a thread. I'm being pulled through. He hasn't tied my knot yet. God, help me to be pulled along willingly, without whining, thanking You for the color You chose for me. Thank You for picking me up off the floor and making me important simply because I'm part of Your great tapestry. Thank You for loving all 1mm of me. That's all I've ever wanted anyway, to have a place in Your story.
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